Where to Start?

So, I doubt if anyone will read this but that’s okay, its not about anyone else, its about me trying to find a way to get all that inane bullshit out of my head, how to turn negatives into positives, and maybe, just maybe it’ll help someone else.

I was brought up in a completely negative household and, as a result have a completely negative outlook on life. I’ve noticed lately that as soon as I see something, I instantly try to find the negative in it. What’s wrong with it? Who’s wrong with it? What will go wrong etc etc. I’m hoping that through various things I’m trying now, including this blog it will help me turn my mind into something more worthwhile while I still have a bit of life left.

I’ve lost so many people over the past 2 years, my Father, his partner, an Aunt and two cousins. In the past 6 years you can add 2 more Uncles and an another cousin to that. None of that has helped. My Mother is still alive, although her entire world revolves around my sister, half sister. Since the day my sister entered this world, I’ve never been high on my Mother’s agenda, I should be used to it, but truth is I’m not. Its just another negative in my world
Before I go on I should make some things clear, just to cover myself from any comments I may get.

Firstly this is MY world. If you don’t like what I write, jog on, simple as that. Yes I swear (A lot sometimes) I get angry and I get frustrated.

Do not ask me to indentify myself, you have my first name, you’re getting nothing else. My spelling is crap too lol If you think I’m that girl you met in a nightclub recently…..I may well be……then again, I might not.

People in my world will only be given first initials, not even that if I can help it. Husband, daughter, dog, Mother, Father, etc will be the norm.

My brain and mind is a complete disaster. I hear voices A LOT. Always droning on about how shit I am at things. How ‘useless you are like ya Mother’ thanks for that one Dad. 😉
I self harm. I don’t condone anyone to do it, but, I do it. Its my body and if I want too, I bloody well will. End of.
I have a looooooooong history of depression and anxiety, probably goes a loooooooong way to explaining why I am, what I am.
I have a sick and twisted sense of humour. I will find amusement in most things, its my way of coping. Even when I was in hospital dying I was joking about it, its just me.

So all that covered right now lets make a post. OH PS I haven’t got a bloody clue what I’m doing here, or how I’m doing it. I guess I’ll pick it up as I go along.

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